An actress making her way through an extremely judgemental world to find her own footing in the movie industry, Anjali Ameer is the first transwoman to play the lead in an Indian film. In comfortable gender-fluid attire that hung from her frame with ease, she recalls the experience of shooting for the FWD Life’s cover as unique and unforgettable.

The latest issue of FWD Life features three stunning personas on the cover. Siddharth Menon, playback singer, and former Thaikkudam Bridge band member; Ketaki Narayan from Veeram; and Anjali Ameer. The fashion special issue had Gender Fluidity as the theme for the cover. With a line of fascinating gender-fluid clothing from Alan Alexander Kaleekal, the cover had a thought to be conveyed and a story to be told.

Shooting for the Cover

Her first time being on the cover for FWD, she recalls the shoot giving her memories of many new experiences be it in regard to the attire, the idea or the shoot itself. “I’ve done covers wearing lehengas and sarees before, this was a different experience.” She says. “Usually the clothes are very tight fitted and pretty uncomfortable as well. The genderfluid clothing we shot in was really comfortable. And most often, I’ve only had to do solo shoots, so this was my first time working with other people to be on the cover.”
“For me the theme felt really relevant on a personal note. I was glad to see that the lines were blurring and that the clothing was not stereotyped. It means that people are actually accepting and trying new things. The designer had something to convey through his designs, which he did, I feel.”

Working as a Team

The theme for the cover this time was Gender Fluidity, breaking the barriers of gender specific clothing. The idea was to go beyond the assumed black and white of the gender binary, exploring the grey area and the vibrant spectrum within it. A cover featuring three artists from different points of the spectrum, that is what the cover this time showcases.
“It’s one thing to do a cover on your own, coordinating with two others, in this case Siddharth and Ketaki, was a different and unique experience.” Says Anjali about the cover shoot. “They were both really professional and very comfortable to work with. Working with the team was easy. They were really helpful and tried to make me feel comfortable. All in all, I had a good time at the shoot.”

“Ketaki was extremely easy to work with. I felt like she was the easiest of the lot to work with, maybe because we bonded pretty easily. We ended up playing games and having a lot of fun before the shoot actually began. Siddharth was also really easy to work with. It was a very comfortable shoot as there was no ego or anything of that sort that kept us from working together with ease.” she added.

Words: Susmitha Suresh   Photos: FWD Media

Digital version : https://goo.gl/HGTOLN

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Words by Rheanna Mathews     Photos: Jinson Abraham

Gender Fluidity is a new term, one that has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation, but a gender identity that is best described as a dynamic mix of man and woman. There is the general tendency to consider gender a binary concept, when in fact, it isn’t so black and white. It is a wide and fluid spectrum and human beings needn’t conform to this binary that society has etched out for us.

This year, starting with the Paris Haute Couture to the Amazon India Fashion week, innovation, sustainability and gender fluidity were common among them all. So, it was decided that fashion and innovation would be the sub-theme with the main focus on gender fluidity. The idea was that the three models, of different genders, without accentuating their own gender or secondary sexual characteristics, would be able to enhance the features of the costumes, instead of their own identities.

Alan Alexander Kaleekal, an emerging Malayali designer caught our attention. His show at the Lakme´ Fashion Week last year featured gender neutral clothes. “In a world that is fast shedding its gender specific roles, it is high time we initiated the conversation about a versatile wardrobe that questions the conventional rules and norms set by our society,” is Kaleekal’s thought on his designs.

Siddharth Menon, Ketaki Narayan and Anjali Ameer have been featured on our fashion special issue’s cover, for it’s not about what gender you belong to, or what you identify with, but how you define yourself. Siddharth has been a follower of Gender Fluidity and inclusivity long before it was popularised. “I used to wear accessories that were generally tagged as something only girls wore. But I used to feel very stylish when I used to wear it, so I did. My style has changed a lot since then though.”

Ketaki, who rose to fame with the music video ‘Thirayi’, said “We see the discrimination on a day to day basis, be it against women, men or transgenders. So I think it’s a very good topic, and I’m glad that I’m a part of this.” Anjali, who is the first transwoman who’s acted opposite one of the biggest names in the Malayalam Industry. She was inspired by Kaleekal’s clothing line, and said “ I was glad to see that the lines were blurring and the clothing was not stereotyped.”

Throughout the shoot, the team was very clear on what they wanted to focus on and how they wanted to portray it. There was a thought to be expressed, after all. Without careful expression, it could get lost in the glamour of the shoot. Each shot was clicked with movement in mind. The frames are caught in mid-movement to express the uninhibited self usually constrained by attire. Clothing that focused on fluidity was expressed through the freedom of movement. There is a free flow of thought, a liquid momentum as we go through the pages. Again, freedom of movement becomes apparent in the layout as well, with overlayed images showing the transition from one pose to another. One is left in wonder at the collective efforts of the whole team to portray a thought, be it in attire, the shots clicked, or in the final outcome in print.

We thought it was high time to blur the lines of gender discrimination and work towards a positive approach, where men, women or people of any other gender are not stereotyped for who they are born as, or who they choose to be for the rest of their lives.

Models: Anjali Ameer, Ketaki Narayan, Siddharth Menon
Photographer: Jinson Abraham
Designer Label: KALEEKAL
Styling: Lakshmi Babu
Makeup & Hair Styling: Santosh Kumar
Photography Assistants: Aghil Menon, Deepu G S, Shan S H
Styling Assistants: Teresa Boban, Sangeeth Vempala
Retouch: Jemini Ghosh, Nimal Neeraj
Production: FWD Media

Digital version: https://goo.gl/HGTOLN

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India’s first transgender policy in Kerala:

Kerala is one of India’s most socially developed states, and they have upped the ante a step further by adopting a policy for the third gender and recognizing their rights. The transgender policy board was set up sometime in January and they will work toward curbing discrimination against them and also provide legal aid to those in need.

India’s first transgender school set up in Kochi, Kerala:

Known under the name of Sahaj International School, it is India’s first school for transgenders. The school initially plans to enrol ten students who will study under the national open school system. The school is led by six transgenders who work with TransIndia Foundation, and Vijayaraja Mallika is the mastermind behind the whole program.

India’s first transgender driven taxi organisation in Kochi, Kerala:

After She-Taxi, Gender Park has decided to break gender barriers by launching India’s first transgender driven fleet of cars, called G- Taxi. The fleet of taxis hopes to create an equality among everyone. Like the other taxis in their organisation, the G-Taxi’s will also include safety features like GPS.

India’s first separate cells for transgenders in prison at Thrissur, Kerala:

Viyyur central prison is making news for deciding to come up with an exclusive block to house transgenders. This move is an effort to protect their privacy and human rights. This step hopes to give transgenders more confidence to declare their identity. At present, they are housed either in the male or female cells, where reports of them being abused have been filed. This decision hopes to put a permanent end to the abuse against the third gender.

India’s first transgender-run food stall in Trivandrum, Kerala:

As part of the street book fair organised by the Thiruvananthapuram Corporation, the Oasis Cultural Society came together to organise a food stall entirely run by transgenders. They were seen providing people with hot tea and snacks at the Manaveeyam Veedhi, which is also known as the cultural corridor of the city. Initially they were a bit scared as to how the response would be, but they were overwhelmed by the love they got from the people, said Sandhya Rajesh, a trans-woman and Vice President of the Oasis Cultural Society.

Images: Various sources

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Words by FWD Media    Photos from Various Sources

Childhood shenanigans involving cross dressing in one’s mother’s heels, wearing lipstick and donning a dress garner indulgent laughs, but gender nonconformity in teens and adults elicit only disgust, anger and a demand to come to one’s senses. While ‘this is a man’s world’ rings around the globe, there is a section of the society, that was born as men, but chose to be women and weather all the storms that came with it. FWD Life caught up with these strong women who spoke about choosing the life they wanted and finding a footing in their identity.

Apsara Reddy

The Indo-Australian journalist is India’s first transgender Editor and was the first transwoman to be invited by the late Dr.J.Jayalalitha to join her party, the AIADMK. She is a strong spokesperson on National TV debates and has worked with BBC World Service, The Hindu, and Commonwealth Secretariat in London, New Indian Express and Deccan Chronicle. She is currently the Editor of the lifestyle magazine Provoke.

How was life when you were growing up?

I was born and raised in a very South Indian family with lots of relatives, customs and traditions. My mother was very progressive and always inspired me to follow my dreams. My father, an alcoholic, and a man who never enjoyed us being happy, was an impediment. I was stubborn, focused and a good student who chose to focus on the unparalleled parenting and mentoring my mother showered on me. As a child too, I used to wear plaits with towels or try on my mom’s heels. I never once thought I was not normal or felt the need to suppress my innermost feelings.

How did you inform your family about your decision to become Apsara? While living and studying in Australia did you feel the difference between the two cultures?

When I was 13 or 14, I browsed on Google about a boy wanting to be a girl. Most of them in the Indian cultural context see it as being gay. I knew I was not gay. I had opportunities to interact with gay people but I couldn’t understand their dynamics. When I did research online, there was this whole thing about transgenders, sex change and hormone changes. It was overwhelming and scary because I wondered how I would get the money for it without my parent’s knowledge.

When I went to Australia for my Bachelors, I found a great set of friends who were non-judgmental. A whole new life opened up for me. I went to a gay club one day and there I met a beautiful transsexual woman called Jacinta. Our journeys were similar. In Australia, you have support, insurance covers your counseling, hormone therapies, bills and tablets. She transformed quite earlier on and she told me that there was a meaningful place for me in society. The kind of attention she was getting from men was also something that made me realize that not everyone will be averse to me and that I could have a meaningful life. I could get married and maybe adopt kids or have kids with my partner. I started going to a gender counselor. After a year I had the courage to tell my parents, but it was the most difficult part of my life.

The working years in London and India and the tough bout of hormone treatments- do you think very little is known of the gender change process here?

London was exciting and very liberating. In Western countries, gender counseling is a must before you are prescribed hormones. That way there is a mental assessment of your coping capabilities, your genuine desires and abilities to be a woman. Changing your gender is no child’s play. The counseling was tough. They would ask very weird questions about our deepest and innermost feelings, physical attraction, and our upbringing. I would be very honest about my feelings because that was the only way your counselor can help you gain real liberation.

In India, hormones are just sold over the counter, and often, the gay community abuses hormones. One mustn’t change to acquire a man or find love; they should truly feel like a woman, emote like one and be able to live like one. The reason why we see so many trans-suicides, animated behaviors and wacky sexual patterns are because most transwomen opt for the instant-change option where they do intense over-the-counter hormones or get quick surgeries. They end up impacting their health adversely.

How did it feel like when you came back to India?

When I came back to India, I met a doctor here, Dr. Usha Sriram, and she is one of my closest friends now. The counseling she gave my mother and I to have the conviction and strength is amazing. A lot of people said cruel, nasty, horrible, harsh, uncharitable and baseless things to me when I came back, from my mental state to allegations of how I was treated by people when I was a child, to weird things like hot water fell on my legs so I got castrated. None of it was true! It was me, a happy young boy who always wanted to be a girl and I was taking medicine to help be that. My mom was there with me, but it was a very hard journey for her, extremely hard, because she was in the city for so many years. These people knew me and they had to be supportive, and they had to understand that I am facing my inner battles and I am trying to be strong and keep a job and do things in life. But they would never stop. If I walked in, people would giggle or turn the other way.

You are a successful journalist. There must be a story of hard work and passion behind it.

I was extremely hurt by the way people treated me once I came back, but my career kept me focused. I worked at Indian Express as a Features Editor and had a successful column. I wrote about parties, lifestyle, and gender, anything on my mind that week. Being in the press changed everything for me. Discriminating, discouraging and dissecting voices became friendly voices. I never asked to be accepted. I never sat to make a case for anyone to love me or like me. People slowly understood I was capable and intelligent. The people who said negative things about me started trying to be my friends now. And life took a very different turn after that.

Then, I was offered a very senior job at Deccan Chronicle as the Features Editor first and then promoted to Senior Editor. I was handling supplements. I have to thank A T Jayanti, the Editor-in-Chief at Deccan Chronicle. She understood me as Apsara, although I was still transitioning and there were so many questions unanswered in my head. She gave me a book, Fifty Shades of Grey, signed “Welcome to the World of Women, Love, Jayanti”. But there were a lot of situations in which I was not included in meetings or parties, but my team rallied around me.

What were the challenges of working in the Indian media?

While working at Deccan Chronicle I used the female toilet and women were okay with, while the men were not. I looked and felt like a woman and it felt natural for me to do that. While many said hurtful things, I didn’t have a problem because I had reached a stage where I didn’t care because I was doing nothing wrong. There were people who restricted advertisements to my publication or restricted stories to my journalists. There were affluent men and those from diplomatic spheres who would attempt to flatter me. It is not the way you sign off on a professional conversation! I don’t say no or yes. I keep them hanging for as long as possible. My work matters to me and I take my own decisions. Even the media is to be blamed for presenting transgender from the angle of prostitution or begging. The root cause of prostitution is the people who solicit them. In India, there is a fixed position for transgender people. Today when I am an editor and an activist and I am breaking that norm, people say ‘Oh! You are not a transgender woman. You are not like the rest of them!’ Why should everyone be stereotyped? There are so many people like me who want to break free, who want to be women and who want to have wonderful careers, who are making great money, but no one wants to talk about them.

Rose Venkiteshan

The television host, radio jockey and politician made her debut with the Vijay TV show Ippadiku Rose. She floated the idea of the formation of Sexual Liberation Party of India which would promote sexual freedom and the rights of women and LGBT people. She is a passionate transgender rights activist and film maker.

When did you first realize the life you were living was not the one you wanted?

I have always known that there was something not right about me. I just didn’t know exactly what it was until I saw other people like me during my college years. I decided I was a woman born in the wrong body in my early 20s.

Was it hard to get where you are right now?

It was a tough journey replete with rejection, hurt, and violence, I faced a lot of emotional and some dextral abuse too. Too many men were in it to just exploit a transwoman. Some people approach in the name of romance while most others just want sex and they approach for it without respect for our feelings or the fact that we are people with sensitivity and a heart that can ache. I had been hurt by own family by their rejection and abandonment.

Is it safe to assume that you faced a lot of wrath when you came out? How did you deal with it?

It is safe to assume that I faced a lot of problems when I came out. It was a tough journey along the way. Without confidence and the will to live with dignity, I would have killed myself. In fact, I did attempt to kill myself the times in my life purely owing to the inability to cope with the treatment that society metes out to transwomen.

Were your parents supportive of your decision?

No, my parents weren’t supportive of my decisions to live my true identity. I was met with hurt, persuasion to live as a man, marry a woman, and be the normal man that society expects. But when I insisted and proceeded to be myself, I was beaten and thrown out of the door.

What is something that you cherish about finally getting to own your identity?

I love myself so much more now than before. I feel a bit more peaceful and at ease with myself. I feel that I’m myself now.

Fierce voices that ring out for the rights and acceptance for the transgender community:

Dr. Renée Richards: Ophthalmologist and Tennis Player

“I had a very good and full life as Dick but I had this other side of me that kept emerging and that kept pushing back, until finally it just wasn’t possible to submerge Renee anymore and Renee won out,” Richards says. – BBC World Service

Kalki Subramaniam: Writer, actress and activist

“As a girl who stepped into the transfamily as early as 14, I now have several daughters and granddaughters. It is a true bonding based on loyalty, love and faith. Transwomen who run away fearing the stigma from their family and relatives usually join or create these families. Transwomen who stay with their biological families can be a part of these families too.” – lynnconway.com

Dr. Marci Bowers: Gynecologist, innovator in sex reassignment surgery

“I have personal issues, challenges and have an interesting career but transgender is just a footnote in my case. Really, it is my attention to detail and artistic sense that does more for clients than anything else. Certainly though I do realize the importance of the procedures I do in the lives of my patients. Empathy is undoubtedly a strong personal attribute.” -pinkvanilla.com

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It wasn’t easy for her to embrace her true identity in a society that was conservative. She came out in 2005 and was cast out from her family, with the exception of her mother, who gave her the strength to stand by her decision. Being rejected as a model messed with her head and she even thought of giving up on modelling completely, but she decided to give it another shot. She did her research, changed her makeup and wardrobe and gave it a shot. Her hard work decided to pay off, and she will be walking for Monisha Jaisingh’s opening show.

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Words and Photographs by Reshma Teelar

Chemical imbalance,” the doctor said pensively. He looked at Einar Wegener with glacial eyes, and scribbled on his notepad – “schizophrenic.” Scrutinised unjustly, artist Einar escaped from the institution before he was declared mental. Against all odds, he attempted the first-ever male-tofemale sex reassignment surgery. Set in 1920s Copenhagen, “The Danish Girl” movie portrays the story of Einar, a pioneer in transgenderism. He became Lili Elbe and could no longer identify herself as a man. As she eloquently said, “ This is not my body. I have to let it go.”

A Look at It

Transgenderism isn’t a concept that isn’t so alien. But at the same time, it’s a confused one, whether it’s someone who’s homosexual or even a cross-dresser. Worldwide or in this hometown, artists have taken a moment to express how the ‘third gender’ feels. There’s still a sense of ostracism that comes with being a transgender. In a generation where we strive for the liberty of thoughts, gender still remains under the shadows of doubt. Because many a times, when one sees a transgender on a train one cannot deny that they sometimes recoil. A few questions lurk in the mind, is he a she? Like these thoughts are kept in the dark is also how many transgenders cloak their stories and voice.

Hearing the Hidden Voices

While Reshma Valentina was covering the story, she said the darkest nights was when she found them. Most of them were hesitant to talk and also scared to open up. What seemed odd, was that in a generation that celebrates open-mindedness, there’s still that discomfort of acceptance. Inspired by how a problem that was once considered unfathomable, has now become a condition easily curable with the power of medicine, we decided to look at how anguished minds dealt with the dosages. Here are five narrations by five individuals who fought against several odds in defence of their body and self-esteem – Sharon, Sweetie, Sheetal Pooja and Aami.

SHARON

“I was very young when I started realising it myself. I was not me, I was another me. I was confused, but I had a strong urge to be the real one. I convinced myself, my family and others to believe in the real one. So here I am, a strong, independent, fearless ‘woman’, ready to take all the consequences of choosing my own gender. I am Sharon. People who have not yet accepted me, know me as Larwin, a 25-yearold mentally-confused person from Fort Kochi. I was given my new name by those who really ‘know’ me. All I wanted in my life was to be accepted by people. But I was abused, by all means, discouraged by everyone and crushed to the ground, left for dead.

A winner, however, doesn’t know when to stop. I worked hard with all my might and will. I have worked as a receptionist, accountant, sales girl and a waitress; starting from being a housekeeping boy. In the meanwhile I began modelling as a part time career, which eventually resulted in me being an actress now. In the fashion industry, I was asked several times to ‘compromise’, every time I was offered an opportunity. Due to this, I have faced quite a lot of problems in my career because my mind or body never surrendered for anything or anyone other than me.My first love tried to cage me and take away my dreams, the society tried to degrade me, my family tried to change me, so I left all that behind. When I was diagnosed with jaundice, I remember shaving my beautiful hair, as my family refused to take me to a hospital, for looking feminine. At times, I had no choice other than to literally act in my real life to survive. I give and take respect. I admire people who treat others for who they really are. I request everyone, not just the ‘third gender’, to be brave and stand up for yourself.

SHEETHAL

My passion was to become a dancer and a fashion designer, which my family never accepted. I wanted to lead a life I dreamed of, but society didn’t accept that. So I didn’t accept their ways of thinking. Most of us are abused right at home, where we are supposed to be safe. A whole community suffers because the society is not pleased with what they ‘see’. I believe we are being tortured because we have accepted ourselves as women. About sex workers, they work with the last thing that’s left with them.They are scarifying their life, love and body to survive and they take it as their job for living knowing that it wouldn’t last for long. And strangely, we face sarcasm for this from a society who thanks us for reducing sexual harassment! Why sacrifice one gender for keeping another gender safe? If we were treated as normal beings, we wouldn’t have wasted so many lives.”

SWEETIE

I do not want to reveal my old name because when I say that, a lot of memories flash through my mind – none any good. I had a lot of dreams, but it never happened. I think it has become an obvious thing for a transgender to never get what they dreamed of. We have the strength of a man and mind of a woman. We have the best of both genders. If given an opportunity we can be anything, but unfortunately we don’t get any. One of my friends had to turn down a beauty contest for women because a person knew that she was a transgender. The society should understand, not every transgender in town is a sex worker.

Akai Pathmashali, Sheethal, Surya, they all fight for us. The police do not do anything to them because they are famous. They should understand that we have a lot of problems to handle in our own lives. Men cheat us with love because we are vulnerable towards it. There are also men who would be genuinely sweet to us, but police have to ruin that too. They come to us, make an issue and establish that these men came to us for sex. So, they leave. The struggles that we went through to get a policy in Kerala, was immense and we were relieved till we understood nothing has changed. This society which calls us sluts and prostitutes doesn’t realise that they made us this way. If they had accepted us, we would have been also in a good position. We do not have to be married or bear a child to be a woman, it’s the determination to be something which makes everyone what they are.

AAMI

My life is just how the usual cliché goes. I was kicked out from my family when I tried to explain myself. They sent me for counselling, made me take medicines, took me to a mental hospital but nothing worked, because this is not a disease, it a realisation. I asked for a surgery. I could have used the partitioned amount from my family to do the surgery. They understood that it was a genuine request and they have to give it, so the other family members convinced my mother and made me leave the home so that they could take my partition amount. My mother always supported me, but I lost her as well. Everybody wants to know how I have sex, whether I have a vagina, how many men I take a day. It’s very hard to do even the basic things in this society like, buying things from a shop, having food from restaurants, going to a hospital, hanging out with friends etc. When we are seen in public, police ask us for ID cards.

We went through innumerable occasions of abuses, assaults and harassments each and every day. The only time I enjoy in my life is when we conduct ‘Road Shows’. It’s the only time we can be ourselves in the society and where the police doesn’t lock us up. Once somebody stole my phone, so I went to the police station to file a complaint, but all they wanted to know was the number of men I slept with that night, I was not a sex worker then. I was devastated by this. I had to call everyone I knew to get me out of there. The media came to us for an article, they seemed like sweet people, so we disclosed everything about us, and the next day, news papers called us ‘sluts who enjoy their job’. I don’t know what is all the hype about being a man, I choose to be a woman. I had a lot of dreams when I started fighting for my rights, but now I just need few basic things, a job, a home, and a public toilet.

POOJA

I studied in a co-ed school, which was the most hellish years of my life. My classmates were insensitive and would often abuse me physically and emotionally.I wanted to study like everyone else, get a job, lead a normal life; but everything changed when I realised that I was in the wrong body, that lead me to do big mistakes … things I thought I’d never do for a living. I ran away from my family who only believed in the two conventional genders. They may admire a transgender actor or comedian or starlet on television, but would never accept someone like that in their own family. Every night, our body and our being are used. Strangely something happens during daylight, because when it breaks, we become untouchables to them. Once, a man kicked me out of the car when he got to know that I was not a ‘girl’.

My friends and I were once thrown into a waste-dumping yard by the police in Kalamassery because we apparently belonged there and that if we found a way to get out, it would be too late to **** someone. These were their own words. Married men come to us. They say their wives do not turn them on. Once, there was a man who came to me because he wanted sperms to surgically inject to his wife as he could never get turned on and having a child was a problem. I helped him anyway, although I was still labelled a “slut”. They say that we will get jobs at Kochi Metro, but for that we require a minimum qualification. Now I don’t need everyone to support us. I just need people to leave us alone.

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